you're a loaded gun

seriously?

feeling used is awesome.

really, thanks.

i need a job....

help me.

give me options

tell me where you work/what you do.

if myspace doesn't go back up soon i'm going to go batty.

what else am i supposed to do at 9 am?

this is therealization that the one person you cared about more than anything never thought of you as more than a tool for him to use whenever it was convenient.

yes i know this is an incredibly late realization, but things just kind of got put together for me.

i hope that someday you look back at the person you were and what you left behind.
a broken girl.

so, i'm sitting in my car, faced away from my street in my driveway having a cigarette with my sister before bed and i happen to look in my sideview mirror. what do i see? a bright yellow sweatshirt across the street. blue jeans. hat. and the person appears to be hitchiking? so i lock my doors. i live in the suburbs. this shit doesn't happen. i turn around to see if this is real. it is. i look in my mirror again and see that said person is not hitchiking after all. they're holding a leash. i look to see what its attached to and i saw she was walking her dog. this dog, at one point, i had thought was a turkey. yes, a turkey. gobble fucking gobble.



now im convinced tomorrow im going to see it on unsolved mysteries. it never happened. "sightings of the ghost person with dog at 6 am happening on black road"



what is wrong with me?



..but good story, yes? haha

You're not half the man you think you are
Save your words because you've gone too far
I've listened to your lies and all your stories (Listen to your stories)
You're not half the man you'd like to be

I don't wanna hear, I don't wanna know
Please don't say you're sorry
I've heard it all before
And I can take care of myself
I don't wanna hear, I don't wanna know
Please don't say 'forgive me'
I've seen it all before
And I can't take it anymore

Don't explain yourself cause talk is cheap
There's more important things than hearing you speak
Mistake me cause I made it so convenient
Don't explain yourself, you'll never see

Forgive me...

nothing is going right. so much for 2006 being a new year...

i dont ever want to leave my house again.

so i bought a sidekick purely for text messages. that means dont call me on it. comment if you want the number. kthx.

anyone wanna go to the bayside/silverstein/hawthorne heights show with me on the 8th?

i just ate 20 nuggets and a large fry. whats up ass? hahahah

i had a really good night tonight, despite the oddness of it.

i adore dallas. and jimmy, binky, derek, and brian.

ran into fred. haven't seen him in forever.

saw tim. didn't know he was home. it was nice to bump into him.

i lit some dudes smoke, then he punched me in the arm.

binky introduced me as his fiancee'




ive realized that the friends i have right now, whether they're new or old, are the best friends a girl could ever ask for. and i'm really going to work on being a better friend. i need to be there more for them. if i make plans, i'm sticking to them. if a friend is in need, i'm going to be there. no excuses.

i'm working on being a better/nicer person all around...

...so i'm going to need you guys to put me in check when i get out of line.

i was told i'm made out of glass shards, pencil shavings, and sandpaper

so i did it... i said "i love you".
its something i needed to do.
he could have been shitty and not said anything...
...or just said "crystal you're drunk", which I wasn't.

instead he said "I don't know how to respond to that, it comes as a huge shock. I appreciate the fact that you feel like that, but i'm in no position to return that same kind of emotion and feeling. I'm a shitbag I know this, I do what I can, and by me being able to squash our past and move on from that is a big step."

it's not terrible. and it's true.
i didn't expect him to tell me he loved me.
but for some reason i'm crying... again.

i know that i expect too much from him. not sometimes, but all the time.
i'm starting to understand that I need to put his feelings into consideration, and not only mine.

i just dumped that on him. he wasn't expecting it.
it's not like we get along amazingly.
maybe it's just hard for him to show it when he cares about someone...
...i know he cares about me.
or else he wouldn't still be around.
i know i make it hard.


maybe i was wrong to say that to him.
maybe i'm just wrong about him all around.
maybe i'm not.

i really feel like i don't know anything right now.
what to say
how to feel
if i'm overreacting.


...i just don't know.

Leave one memory of you and me together.

It doesn't matter if I know you a little or a lot, anything you remember!

Next, post this in your blog and see how many people leave a memory about you

What Common Breed of Dog Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Your friends, momentsembrace, made for an interesting party:



___kla forgot to put on clothes!

_itsnotthesame dressed as a combine.

_l dressed as a new superhero: Miracle Bolt.
_ladyvicious dressed as a witch.
_thislittlegirl dressed as George Lucas.
_yourlastbreath dressed as a computer.
adrefever dressed as a Level 6 ranger.
afireinsidedawn dressed as Optimus Prime.
aganigounnoticd dressed as the Large Power Ranger.
amour_de_panda dressed as a 1980's yuppie child.
angelicxinferno dressed as John F. Kennedy.
bed2103 dressed as Green Lantern.
betterthanyou77 dressed as a bottle of Letolox, though it looked more like something legal, but what, specifically, you can't tell.
bigcountry dressed as someone called "Casey Bean", but you've never heard of them before.
breakdaglass dressed as Osama bin Laden.
buffalo_666 dressed as a bear.
buriedbreathing dressed as Mary-Kate Olsen with her very own conjoined Ashley.
captainmcsuck didn't dress up, spoilsport.
cbug dressed as a new member of the Wu-Tang Clan, Phantom Knight.
columbus_sucks dressed as a pimp.

dollygagger dressed as a raccoon, and it suited them disturbingly well.
endofhisworld dressed as someone called "Jason Waters", but you've never heard of them before.
foundxnewxglory dressed as Nicole Richie.
frozebaby dressed as Mary-Kate Olsen with her very own conjoined Ashley.
holler_at_me dressed as something desert, but what, specifically, you can't tell.
hopessohigh dressed as a catcher for the Cardinals.
in_red_weather dressed as a prick.

isaidwatchit dressed as the love child of Johnny Depp and Nicole Kidman.
jeremylynn dressed as Nicole Kidman.
joey_leigh_cook dressed as Arthur Agatston.
kat_kills dressed as a ocean ceremony.

katisthereason dressed as the main character of "Sling Blade".
lakeeffect dressed as Dan Brown riding a horse.
leahmajewski dressed as a Leitao-Conlee BankCooperative employee.
markli dressed as Mr. Sulu from "Star Trek".
miss_glamour dressed as Anna Nicole Smith.
noraborialis dressed as the main character of "Star Wars".
notsofast dressed as Optimus Prime, though it looked more like Tiffani-AmberThiessen.
redhandeddenial dressed as the Governor of South Carolina.
redhouse01 dressed as Kathie Lee Gifford.

reversed_truth dressed as Barney the dinosaur.
revolvero dressed as a ghost.
roy_rogers_ dressed as Meg Ryan.
sayitagainbaby dressed as a character from Harry Potter and the Confederacy of Flame.
severedcomplex dressed as William Taft.
shoot_2_kill dressed as Jimmie Carter.
skatanicpunker dressed as Nicole Richie.
smileyoufucker dressed as a senior corporate spy overseer, and it suited them all too well.
sugarpixie11 dressed as a assistant webpage designer.
tangldupindylan dressed as a second baseman for the Brewers.
tearyouapart dressed as Daria.
theexplodingboy dressed as the Lord of Jersey City.
thelostsouls dressed as a disturbing self-made character called "Chim-Chim Liversniffer".
titaniumexpose_ dressed as a linebacker for the Saints, though it looked more like Kimora Lee Simmons.
tonyxdfa dressed as a jagged angel.

westinghouse dressed as Alicia Keys's uncle.
whores_cant_cry dressed as Nicole Kidman.
xgabbiex dressed as the spirit of their dead grandmother Thelma.
xoxo_______fufu dressed as the President of Aruba.
xpitkinx dressed as LeAnn Rimes, though it looked more like the main character of "In the Heat of the Night".

so much pain. 6 hours in the ER.
possible surgery coming up.

please leave me something to cheer me up???
i need it more now than ever.

i got home...
and fell down 7 stairs...
again...
because of the fucking dogs...



haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate them...

fucking asshole dogs made me wake up my parents at almost 4 am because they got under my feet and made me fall down 7 stairs.

im starting to hate dogs..............

or at least having 6 at a time.....

uuuuuuuuuuggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

so...
i have tomorrow off.
who wants to hang out?

<33333333333

It seems the only blessing I have left to my name
Is not knowing what we could have been
What we should have been
So

Take your records, take your freedom
Take your memories I don't need'em
Take your space and take your reasons
But you'll think of me
And take your cat and leave my sweater
'Cause we have nothing left to weather
In fact I'll feel a whole lot better
But you'll think of me

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart. In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you. You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change. You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance. Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage. In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.